


Candle Light

by sunnyangel (orphan_account)



Series: it was my first love [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Falling Out of Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:29:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25144708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/sunnyangel
Summary: Sometimes, love burns you out.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong
Series: it was my first love [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1821496
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	Candle Light

Taeyong loved the idea of falling in love.

When he met Jaehyun, he had felt a force from within his core, a magnifying force that rivaled no other, and in the midst of shuffling feet and passing people, he knew the boy meant a lot more than what he sees. Sometimes, when you meet a person who holds much more than what you expect, you can’t help but ponder on the possibilities of what life may throw at you. Taeyong did not expect for the changes to suddenly come in great lengths, and the sudden abundance of Jaehyun in his routine was a change of perspective for him.

Taeyong’s idea of love always revolved around finding the right one, like a puzzle’s missing piece, or perhaps an accessory to match a specific outfit, and with Jaehyun, he felt the simplicity of his views turn into complex ideals once he learned the true essence of what being in love means. They were like birds of the same feather, like opposite poles of a magnet, and for a while they were indeed.

Taeyong loved the idea of being in love as along with it comes Jaehyun. For a time, he believed in it.

The both of them were happy. One could even say they were already contented with each other, and Taeyong agrees despite the changes in their relationships that cannot be mended even by the strongest adhesive they could find. Taeyong did not know where they went wrong. Jaehyun had always been kind to him, always patient and understanding, and at first Taeyong loved the idea of it. He loved the idea of having a seemingly perfect significant other he could call his. He loved their quiet nights together inside their peaceful home. He loved the way Jaehyun would keep their love in private, only whispering the words only they could hear behind closed doors where no other could hear or see. He loved the way Jaehyun loves him, yet the tranquility eventually became too loud for him, and suddenly, his idea of love is not what he wanted love to be anymore.

He once asked if love deteriorates with time, if feelings do eventually fade away into oblivion and the remnants of it are almost to none. The changes in Taeyong and Jaehyun’s relationship were gradual, and to Taeyong, it felt even more painful to see the slightest changes in their usual routine. Morning kisses turned into quiet murmurs, gentle caresses turning into hesitant contacts, and eye contacts were rarely done now despite living under the same roof. Taeyong doesn’t blame him, though. He knew. He already knew Jaehyun cannot be blamed by the slow downfall of their relationship.

Sometimes, Taeyong would try. He’d try waiting for Jaehyun after his shift in the hospital has ended. He’d recommend a newly opened restaurant near to where Jaehyun works, and later they’ll find themselves immersed in a silence that haven’t passed by them in years. The kind of silence where you could drown. Sometimes, he’d try staying up late to wait for Jaehyun despite his body growing tired. He would try to bring back their old routine piece by puece, yet in the end, he would still find himself under the blankets and in deep sleep, his back turned against Jaehyun’s side of the bed. Still, Taeyong tried. He had told himself countless of times that couples usually tend to lose their spark for a while, and what they’re experiencing is just anoher rock on the road, yet the more he tries to mend their relationship, the more it seemed to be losing its vital pieces.

Perhaps, they were too in love. Too greedy for more, and too selfish to let go. They never started as friends, never had a deep connection that something even love cannot rival with. It was an instant romance, and some say those kind of romances never last. Maybe, Taeyong thinks, maybe they’re right. Maybe they were too constricted with the idea of being in love that they forgot to live. Maybe Taeyong did forget to live.

“Taeyong, what’s wrong?” Doyoung asked one Sunday afternoon during one of their usual brunch meetings. Taeyong stared at the steaming cup of coffee set in front of him, his lips pursed into a grim line, and thought, of course their friends would notice.

But how was he supposed to answer that question when even he himself does not know where they went wrong? Where he went wrong?

They say the occurrence of falling out of love happens to those who grow tired of love, to those who experience the dawn of knowing that things are not meant to be where they were placed. Falling out of love, in a sense, is a numbing and petrifying flow of dwindling romance, and Taeyong wonders if he would ever reach the top of the pit, because as much as he wants to refuse it, he knows.

Maybe their love was not meant to be. Maybe they were only a page of each other’s book. Maybe, just maybe, they were like the slow burning of a candle. Providing light for each other yet still meant to dissipate in the darkness.

Taeyong sighed. He had seen it coming.

Jaehyun remained seated at the foot of their bed, his eyes wandering around the four corners of their beige colored room. The once filled with life room now seemed too empty yet constricting at the same time. Taeyong carefully zipped his suitcase and casted a nervous glance at his lover.

His former lover.

“Take care of yourself, hm?” A small smile played across Jaehyun’s lips. Still, his eyes refused to meet Taeyong’s. “Call me.”

Taeyong nodded grimly and stood up from their bed, feeling sorry for the things he had done and were about to do. For the things he failed to do when there was still a chance for reconciliation . “I will...”

For a while, there was silence. The kind of silence from two strangers who refuse to meet. The kind where pain is involved.

Then, Taeyong took his first steps away from their room. Away from their home. Away from Jaehyun.

Jaehyun sighed and watched the candle slowly burn away.


End file.
